I could
Harness my heart to your will,
Caress your cheek with the tip of my pen,
And that would be enough for you
Wouldn’t it?
To just follow you with hands like the wind
Around your waist
Holding you
But not holding you back…
That would be enough for you.
I want that too but
My hands need touch
My lips need to know the breath that lingers
Just out of reach but close enough
To reclaim
My mind needs comfort
My heart needs acceptance
My soul needs rest
In knowing that it’s ok to be human
And dying
That it’s ok
To want you, to need you…
You offer my death daily
And I accept
In full agreement…
But you never feel the tears shed
For the loss of my needs
My desires.
When will I matter…
©Jen2010 1–31
Archive for February 1st, 2010
What Matters To You~para~
Monday, February 1st, 2010Release me ~Para~
Monday, February 1st, 2010My face is blistered by the demands
The suggestions to free
Cut and cauterized–
They’ve hurt me.
Have you not heard me pleading
For the release of all that caresses?
His release.
Have you not heard me begging to the presses
All these years?
I’ve done what was asked
Walked across acres upon acres of shards of glass
Passed razors through the maze of my soul
Dissected my heart with a monocle mirror
And I’m whole
I’ve forgiven my fingers
And I’m whole…
But his release–
His release demands of my mind’s eye
His suffering rakes the embers of my need
To sustain my high
Blistered and scarred
Rising to an inferno I can’t disregard
And my fingers beseech thee
As my conscience screeches to me daily
Release him
Just release him so my sight can see
He lives without me
Satisfactorily
Allow me to witness him serene
In the wild
Living out his most desired dream
And he will be filed under case closed.
I’ve done what was asked
I’ve inhaled the rose
And suffered each thorn as it passed
Licked the morning dew from your boots
Uprooted roots I thought would never be free
And rotated eyeballs to view within
The bloody internal massacre of sin and debris…
I guess I just don’t know what you want from me
But you know what I want from you
Oh you’ve always known what I want from you
And you hold it close to your chest
Under lock and key and duress
I could kill myself, leave a simple note of singular pleas
But you still wouldn’t give me what I need–
His release.
For his release is mine
And you’ll never let me go
Blistered and mangled
You’ll never let me go as such…
I’ve seen too much.
©Jen2010 1–31