The writings of Oddpoet

My web­site has a whole bunch of bells and whis­tles in terms of ana­lyz­ing traf­fic that come to my site. One thing for sure it’s a writ­ing site, mostly poetry and let’s face it, who gives a fuck about poetry. Of never end­ing amuse­ment to me is the “Key­word” reports, which tells you what searches bring up my site. It is a con­stant source of amuse­ment and ter­ror for me. Let’s take a look, shall we?

In first place is “Sad writ­ings” fol­lowed by “Odd­poet”, noth­ing unusual there, but num­ber three? “ream­ing a older ladies ass good” What the fuck? I guess if you’re gonna ream an older lady’s ass, it’s best to do it well, at least for the sake of repeat busi­ness. Num­ber four is Paracelsa, well that makes sense Para is a con­trib­u­tor and a respected Poet. Things begin to go South for good on num­ber five, “Hard Rec­tal Ream­ing” Not sure what it is about ass fuck­ing that demands vicious­ness, but it seems to go with the ter­ri­tory. I mean you never hear, “I want to fuck you in the ass, gen­tly and oh so lov­ingly” Now what fol­lows are more searches that peo­ple per­formed that brought up my site, there are some seri­ous ones but let’s face it: Boring…

“Older women fuck me in my sleep free sites” Not sure what ben­e­fit one accrues get­ting fucked while you sleep, but there you have it. Maybe he wants a Suc­cubus. The fucker of course wants it for free. My man doesn’t know women well, they are never free. Most of these searches are gram­mat­i­cally trou­bling but my guess is they are being done with one hand. Mov­ing on…

“Failed sui­cide attempt”, “pos­sum dolls” and fuck me”. The one in the mid­dle is best ignored, I mean what would one want to do with a Pos­sum doll? If you know don’t tell me, I’m crazy enough. “anatom­i­cally cor­rect male man­nequin” and the baf­fling “anatom­i­cally cor­rect gay dolls” Is there such a thing as a gay doll? Just suck the doll’s penis dude we wont tell any­one. I’m assum­ing he wants the doll’s con­sent. If so, my hats off to him, you don’t see much polite­ness in the dick suck­ing world any­more. One of my favorites, “i am a male i want to pros­ti­tute myself” Don’t we all dude.

“pos­sum penises?” and the straight for­ward “I need sex” That one might have been mine. I like the ballsy, “I need sex call here”, Yea my man wants the num­ber for sex which, when you think of it, adds a cer­tain econ­omy to the search. I’ll close with my favorite, “i like male sex­ual des­per­a­tion” Not sure what the fuck that means, but pretty sure a few books could be writ­ten on the subject.

Oh well, there you have it. Amus­ing yes, but to think my site was involved in some way has me scream­ing. “Get me more Seroquel”

Later,
Oddpoet

Tags: Keyword searches, sex

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 10th, 2010 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Humor, Prose. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.