The writings of Oddpoet

As you no doubt do not know, I have been through a divorce where­upon I lost my house and every­thing I worked for all my life. That will be the sub­ject of a future post. But for now, let us exam­ine sex and desperation

I was mar­ried, which by def­i­n­i­tion meant I was not get­ting sex from my sig­nif­i­cant other. I was required to employ the ser­vices of a pros­ti­tute. Now some of you might cringe and say: “Dis­ease! Dis­ease!” Never fear, I would do the Odd­poet Babe Check. I would open the door upon hear­ing the knock and, ”Okay, she has two legs, check”; “let’s see, no vis­i­ble scabs on her face, good, very good.”; “Honey, roll up your sleeves,” no vis­i­ble track marks, “Come on in babe!”

My sec­ond choice for sex would be a Bar, Women there are usu­ally:
1.Of ques­tion­able moral char­ac­ter
2.Drunk
3.Desperate
When I was younger, I would prey upon Women in bars, sure as shit between 12:30 and 2:00 AM a few would either fall off bar stools or their nog­gin would slam against the bar passed out. I would imme­di­ately swoop in like a vul­ture on carrion.

Well I had fun, they did not remem­ber. This, of course, worked out for both par­ties. We did not have to do that stu­pid phone num­ber thing. Ladies we never call.

Alas, since I have no shekels I am forced into the ulti­mate humil­i­a­tion: Dat­ing want ads. How far have mighty fallen. What fol­lows are things you do not want to say in your ads:

“Look­ing for my Knight in shin­ing armor”
First of all I do not shine my shoes let alone armor. Sec­ond, I do not have any frig­gin armor. Please!

“Look­ing for my soul mate”
Well not sure I have a soul and if I did it would an ethe­real, spir­i­tual entity not remotely inter­ested in exchang­ing pre­cious bod­ily flu­ids! That’s a loser girls.

“Look­ing for Mr. Right”
This is a sure fire way to have your ad passed over. When men see that alarms go off, “Shit! She will want to change me into her “ideal man.” Pretty soon she will have me watch­ing Liza Min­nelli movies.” Don’t work Ladies!

What does work? Briefly:

“I swal­low”
Top of the list! Of course you run the risk of being con­sid­ered a slut, but you will never lack male com­pan­ion­ship. Like every­thing in life it’s a trade off.

“I love to drink but I can’t hold my liquor.”
Highly rec­om­mended, It has two advan­tages, first men dig that, sec­ond, you can engage in all types of obscene behav­ior and who can blame you! Shit, if you’re drunk. It’s kind of like a get out of jail free card.

Lastly,
“I am a widow whose hus­band left a whole lot of money, look­ing for one night stands.”
Very good one.

Hope this helps; I will be explor­ing this topic in the future. In the inter­est of soci­o­log­i­cal research, of course.

Till Then,
Humbly I remain,
Oddpoet