The writings of Oddpoet

A group demon­strat­ing in front of the United Nations protest­ing the geno­cide in Dar­fur was set upon today by a group of angry New York shop­pers eager to get into the Christ­mas spirit.  Dis­grun­tled bar­gain hunter Christina Spencer angrily said, “I’m sick of this shit, Wal Mart  has a two hour spe­cial half priced sale which I will miss because of these pathetic fucks…  It’s Christ­mas for Christ’s sake. Hey we all have prob­lems, this year alone I spent two thou­sand dol­lars on lit­tle Susie’s bal­let lessons.”  To empha­size her peeve she kicked a young Dar­furian Child in the head crack­ing it’s skull like a fuck­ing eggplant.

Pen­ta­gon offi­cials announced they fucked up again in their eight year pur­suit of 911 mas­ter­mind Osama Bin Laden.  Award win­ning jour­nal­ist Odd­poet revealed that Bid laden was not in North Waziris­tan but actu­ally work­ing as an ani­ma­tor for the Walt Dis­ney Com­pany.  When pressed Pen­ta­gon big­wig Gates admit­ted that Bin Laden pen­chant for chang­ing one let­ter in his named befud­dled the Pentagon’s brain thrust.  The plug wear­ing Gates said, “It’s really not our fault we were look­ing for Osama Bin Laden and he was work­ing as Osama Ban Laden, You have to admire him, he is a crafty son of a bitch.”  The pen­ta­gon wun­derkind went on to state that he believed Bin Laden had out­side assis­tance and prob­a­bly four or five for­eign nations were involved in the nefar­i­ous scheme.  He urged all Amer­i­cans to remain sus­pi­cious and terrified.

Sci­en­tist announced they had noth­ing really to announce.  They did say the quest of cures for chil­dren leukemia, can­cer, aids, global warm­ing were con­tin­u­ing at a snail’s pace.  “But on the bright side we dis­cov­ered after inten­sive research that when you rip a lab rat’s ears off they make a really cool screech­ing sound.”

A group rep­re­sent­ing the “Real hor­ror writ­ers of Amer­ica” urged a boy­cott of the phony Vam­pire movie “New Moon”  It’s an out­rage, you have 13 year old chicks fin­ger­ing their sludge pods over some cute vam­pire who don’t even suck blood.  What the fuck?  He pre­dicted dire con­se­quences on the con­tin­ued fag­i­fi­ca­tion of Amer­i­can youths.  “Let’s face it a vam­pire is sup­pose to tear your throat out and they never fuck, sheeze”

The National Orga­ni­za­tion of Woman’s news con­fer­ence announc­ing the group’s leg­isla­tive ini­tia­tives urg­ing the “cas­tra­tion of all males” was dis­rupted by the icon­o­clas­tic Odd­poet.  While over­turn­ing tables and toss­ing dil­dos at the “les­bian fucks”, Odd­poet announced his own agenda. He planned to “cold­cock any chick who pisses him off” to demon­strate He turned and dropped a female reporter who got too close.  In the mêlée that fol­lowed Odd­poet was remon­strated by an asso­ci­ated who screamed, “she was not a les­bian Odd­poet, she was a pretty cool nympho­ma­niac who would fuck any man who looked her way or bought her a cup of cof­fee.” the never remorse­ful bard said, “Fuck the bitch, they’re all dykes in train­ing”   As he was being led away to a wait­ing police wagon he urged all les­bians to con­tinue mak­ing “Dyke flicks”, and that “he was still a sucker for girls going down on each other.”

In related news, Odd­poet planned to pub­lish from prison his con­tro­ver­sial annual Yule­tide extrav­a­ganza, “very cool sui­cide let­ters.” The gang raped devi­ate stated that he had the “utmost respect for any­one who up and offed them­selves.” The Amer­i­can Busi­ness alliance rejected the post and urged any­one in the depths of despair to hold off on killing them­selves till after the hol­i­days.  That “the con­sumer dri­ven Amer­i­can econ­omy needed every present bought and paid for by afore­men­tioned ema­ci­ated Amer­i­can poverty stricken con­sumer, It’s no time to be selfish”

And every word of it is true…