So they gave me
The white pills
And the tan pills
The big pills
and cute little footballs
All very scientific
Stamped and approved
By the FDA

Would they change me?
Would I no longer be
Who I am?
They laugh at me
Ain’t that the point
You stupid mother fucker!

I took em
I hear them Yippie-yi-yo-ki-yaying
Through by bloodstream
like kids on a water slide
But when they get to my brain
Oh they get serious
I can hear the clang of hammers
And droning sounds of drills
And the rumble of heavy machinery
Earth movers and cranes
A mechanized symphony

And they don’t change me
They don’t change anything
Numb me for an hour or two
Bout it.

You can never fix a broken mirror
or read a book
With missing pages
Mute people can’t talk
And the deaf can’t hear
Some things are just meant
To be broken
cracked and imperfect
Some things are just meant
To bleed

So I can never have their love
or their joy
or their beauty
their contentments
their smiles

I don’t understand them
And they’ll never understand me
Nothing wrong with that
Just the way it is
Some things are just meant to be broken
Some things are just meant to bleed.

Deities are like that, you got thousand of choices and they’ve been around longer than toothpaste or deodorants. Ya got your monotheists, polytheist, ya got Gods as celestial objects, nature, inanimate objects, Shit, Native Americans believed in a giant turtle, no shit and ya wonder why they lost all their land? Their God was much too slow to help them and by the time the fucker got it’s head out of it’s shell their land was gone. Poof. Never pick a Turtle.

Gods have been around since we collectedly realized we were all pretty much fucked in this world. So If bad things happened our God(s) was pissed so we had to please him by gathering laurel leaves, sacrificing goats, virgins, our kids whatever as long as we didn’t have to sacrifice ourselves. We are indeed a selfish lot. But it gave us the delusion of input or control into why we are always getting fucked over. It gave us a process for input or influence into Reality which is basically the randomness inherent in our existence. This process is religion, a structured means to influence our God(s) of choice regardless of how bizarre that process might be.

This write is a sorta like a movie review. I will rate who I consider the coolest, meanest and most dynamite God(s) to choose from so you don’t have to think too much I mean who likes to think, right? Soo…

The list is far too long so I’m gonna get rid of a few thousand with some basic rules I think we all can agree on.

I’m highly suspicious of any Religion less than 1500 years old they go right in the hopper. Let’s face it if your God was asleep for most of recorded Human history and decided to show up say in 1830 as he apparently did to Joseph Smith;well he ain’t much of a God, or he has some kind of sleep disorder. Savvy? So the Church of Latter day Saints or Mormon God goes bye bye. Same goes for the Jehovah Witnesses which were founded in 1852, not only will I shit can their God but I urge the immediate execution of all it’s members. Who can argue with that?

All the “ticism’s” such as Zoroastrianism or Mysticism or Asceticism while they’ve been around a long time. I just don’t like the sound of their names, too fucking long And if I don’t like the name of your religion then they get shit canned also.

All the eastern religions such as Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism go out the window simply because I have no idea what the fuck they are talking about. Nirvana? what the fuck is that? Ain’t it a band? Besides the dickheads I see in America who think they’re cool because they walk around saying Namaste get on my nerves. Those religions require shit like meditation, spiritualism, concern for all life forms and as an American I have no time for that shit.

The Roman Gods? Fuck them too. They are Italians and I hate Italians besides the Romans never had an original thought in their lives, check it out. They stole the Greek Gods basically word for word they change their names to planets, Aphrodite became Venus, Zeus became Jupiter. So fuck the ginnies and their Gods.

Now the meat and potatoes.
Greek Gods were hands down the coolest Gods out there. I believe the forced retirement of all the Greek Gods from the deity pantheon the greatest spiritual tragedy in our lives. Take Zeus, all he wanted to do was get laid, no shit his whole Godhood was involved with getting Pussy. He even fucked his sister. And the shit he did for pussy was astounding disguising himself as a bull, a bird. Now I thought I was inventive in getting laid Zeus was… well a God at it. And they were petty, revengeful, selfish, mean, self centered. Just like us. Yea, I miss Olympus.

The Nordic Gods ya know Odin, Thor, Loki they scare the shit outta me them fuckers just wanted to fight, maim and kill. They never had time for fucking cause they were fighting all the time. Yea, Asgard was one large keg party that got out of hand. But they do have some cool stories.

Now the Monotheistic heavyweights.
Judaism which is old testament God. Well as pricks go the Jewish God was a real prick. That fucker killed people for fun, flooded the earth, destroyed cities. Yahweh had absolutely no sense of humor. Not sure if he ever did one kind thing, I’m serious, it was like he was constantly constipated and took it out on mankind. The Jewish God was a paranoid fuck always testing people to see if they loved him. He even fucked over Moses. Got news for you Jew God you’re a real Cocksucker and nobody loves you! And for you Jews out there you can think what ya want but maybe he’s not coming back it’s been at least 3000 years perhaps it’s time to take that extra serving of dinnerware off the table.

Islam, they barely make the cut making its first appearance to some towel head in the sixth century A.D.. These dudes are borderline eastern religion and I’m not sure what the fuck they’re talking about either. They took the old and new testament did a quick rewrite and told the world, “Hey, we found a new God!” Really? Where was he hiding? In the desert? Hey if I was a God that’s where I would hide, no scenery, no water, perfect. Islam and Christianity share a common bond, they have the most fucked up radical followers of any religion. And you can’t fuck with their religion either they get all prissy about it. Which of course requires me to say, fuck you Islam and fuck you Mohammed. You’re nothing more than an expansion team!

Finally Christianity
My inculcated faith. Christianity has a real identity crises cause you got Catholics, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Methodist. It’s like make up your fucking minds will ya? Christianity is one big mind fuck no one knows what they believe in. It’s all new testament about this cat named Jesus. Now Jesus was a pretty cool guy he threw some nasty fish and wine parties and the shit never ran out. The trouble with Jesus as a deity is that he really got fucked over in the end. And deep down inside every Christian wonders, “Wow, if God did that to his son what the fuck is he going to do to me?”

As religions go Christianity is a logical nightmare and all the christian writers really had to do some creative writing to explain Christianity. “Jesus was God, no I mean the Son of God, no I mean a part of the Holy Trinity, and we drink his blood and eat his body at mass” No we’re not cannibals it’s like, eh… symbolic” and “Who the fuck made up that Virgin birth story? How the fuck do we explain that!” “ Yea Christian writers are top notch they have to be.

Well there you have it my place in hell once again firmly established. Now I hear you “What do you believe in Odd?” I have a strange way of thinking and I come at “God” kinda backwards. Cause I know evil exists, I see it, it’s real and it’s a spiritual entity that is here on earth right now. So there has to be a good or a God so to speak cause if there wasn’t we would have killed each other long ago. Now don’t ya hate when I’m serious?

Respectfully submitted,
The Oddest of Poets

As many of my avid and often rabid readers know I am an “ist” meaning, of course, I am anything ending in “Ist”. Allow me to don my Sociologist cap and explore today’s topic. Children.

Let’s jump to it, okay? I fucking hate kids! There I said it. I can hear the entire conglomeration of Women’s group’s vibrators dropping to the floor in one large thud. Kids are the sacred cows in our society, no one really cares about them, but Women’s groups use them like Theseus used the Gorgon’s head to slay the Kraken. Yea, the bitches use them to gain economic advantage, to wit, child support, housing privileges, welfare payouts, free medical care… The list is endless.
Having supplied man jism to women’s virginas on numerous occasions I have manufactured at least two of the little douche bags. Both my kids are bright, flawed and Psychotic, kind of like their father. Let’s examine my biological constructs:

Christopher Leo Mount: That little fucker owes me at least $40,000.00. Stole my car, money, basically anything he could get his hands on. I really fucking hate him but I must admit to having a grudging respect for him. He is a thief of biblical proportions. The fucker makes Al Capone look like a bully stealing schoolyard nickels. He routinely uses stolen social security numbers to generate credit cards. The fucker actually ran his own employment service at his last job, no shit; the trouble was the company didn’t know about it, yea, he was charging people to work there. Chris has balls the size of Jupiter.

Edward A Mount: My namesake. What a mistake he was, Eddie is a walking advertisement for condom use. However, he scares the shit out of me, no lie. I’m still paying child support for him and he is 75 years old. As a child I became concerned when he would bring home dead and mutilated animals. I remember saying,

“Now Eddie it’s really not appropriate to tear the legs off hamsters and watch them run around in circles.”
“Why not daddy?”
Well he had me there.

He actually recreated the crucifixion of Jesus using Gerbils, Hamsters, and the neighbor’s pet dachshund who had the misfortune of playing Jesus. I found the poor little pooch nailed to a makeshift cross with Gerbils and Hamsters playing Roman soldiers. I’ll never forget the look in the dachshund’s eyes just before he was speared by overzealous Gerbils; it was like, “Yo, do something about your kid will ya!”

Admittedly I should have institutionalized him but I figured as long as he was killing animals I was somewhat safe while sleeping. Yes, I am selfish.

Now, what can we do with our kids? Here is a little factoid for you parents out there. Despite taking them to Church, Soccer, Boy Scouts and the plethora of children activities your kids have a 3% chance of turning out somewhat decent. And those idiot parents out there who think their kid is going to be the next Linus Pauling kill yourself will ya. The statistics are in and your kid has a 97% probability of being a douche bag.

So what do we do with them?
1. Eliminate Child Labor laws. The gooks have the right idea put them to work in factories. They don’t eat much and if they give you any lip you can easily kick the shit out of them. And if they die? Who cares, fuck and have another, they are easily replaced, a build in replenishing natural resource. Why we haven’t done this already is a mystery to me.
2. Why we put good men, who should be in bars drinking and getting shitfaced, into mines is a crime. Let’s use the kids to do all our mining operations. They are small, agile and have a better chance of crawling out of cave-ins. And if they die? See above.
3. This one is for the sporting enthusiasts out there. Let’s hunt them. What hunter can resist the idea of hunting a four year old girl in the woods? Imagine the thrill of your 30 odd six with a crying, babbling little child in your sights? You know you fuckers should be paying me for this!
4. Let’s farm them for body parts. If you get sick go to the kid farm and use one their organs for any requirement.
5. If all else fails let’s eat the little fuckers, we have starving men and women who don’t realize they have perfectly edible food in their homes.

Well there you have it; once again I have cut through the manure of Political correctness, and solved another sociological problem. I bid you all adieu; I must take my leave as I have volunteered to babysit the neighbor’s kid

“Oh Timmy… I have a surprise for you…”

Professor Odd Poet

(The above is an excerpt from a scholarly Tome submitted to the New England Journal of Sociological Research)

So I’m pretty ripped right now but you’ll never see it. I’m not like one of those fags on the Space who show off their six packs, I do it for myself and… Okay, the chick next door I hate when you fuckers force me to tell the truth. Now I had this skin thingy I thought was Psoriasis so I’m ripped and I have my shirt off but only for the Sun to cure my Psoriasis thingy and the chick next door. Right?

Now I reclaiming my brothers yard that has been lost to Nature. I’m cutting trees, shrubs and I almost decapitated the Mailman who made the mistake of standing still under a tree I had my eye on. Now the more ripped I get the more the young chick next door waters her tomato plants, no shit! Funny as hell. I wanna tell her “your plants need snorkels.” I just smile and say “Hello” cause I’m on a mission and Rama of the jungle will not be denied. So I finally have the yard back and I get a call from the Dermatologist who took a skin sample a week ago for analysis. Turns out it’s Cancer.

I could give a fuck but I never miss an opportunity to fuck with people, Doctors, Judges, lawyers don’t matter. And the only reason I’m still alive is I’m waiting for Congress to pass that “Kick the fuck out of your Ex-wife day” Has anyone heard anything on that? Let me know if you hear anything. So she says it’s cancerous and I say,

“How did you know Doc? My birthday is the 20th of July and I am indeed a Cancer.”

“No, No Ed, the test showed Cancer.” Concern oozing through her voice.

“Of course it did Doc, did ya think it would show up Taurus?”

Pause…

She starts laughing cause she knows me a bit and she tells me It’s not a real big deal we just might have to “cut your balls off to arrest it.”

“Doc, you fucking with me? Never play around with a man’s balls Doc, unless it’s in the bedroom.”

“By the way what’s it called Doc?”

“It’s Thomaluecytyeyourfuckedatosis”

I know stupid question, for some reason I heard Julie Andrews singing “Supercalifragilous Expialidocious”

But she assures me “just take these pills and don’t get pregnant.”

“Whatever Doc”

Now I can’t go out in the Sun too much and I hope the chicks tomato plants don’t die cause of it.

So I go to the Kitchen, now I’m a muscular version of Martha Stewart, my obsessive nature is to clean cause my Brothers don’t do it. They insist on a cursory washing of the dishes despite that stainless steel thingy I bought back in the day when I had cash: called a dishwasher. I don’t have the heart to tell them when they turn their backs the shits right in the dishwasher. Now to appease them I put a nice clean towel on the “clean” counter where they can lay the washed soon to be washed again dishes. Right? Now I also wash stuff like large Tupperware and pots which I lay on the “Clean” towel to air dry.

Pretty simple concept, ya think? Nope, the “clean” towel is often host to my Brothers making pizzas on it, bottles of ketchup and pickles. Which, of course, defeats that whole clean towel thingy. I can’t say anything cause I’m an indigent, obsessive-compulsive, muscular, Martha Stewart wannabe with Cancer. But I want to scream, “Do you Fuckers make bologna sandwiches on your pillows? WHAT THE FUCK!”

Oh well, I’m about done with the outside work, repaired concrete steps, repaired fence, painted parts of the house, edged the lawn, fucked Mother Nature up and told the bitch to “back the fuck off! Poet is here now Mutha Fucker”

Gotta turn my attention to the inside of the house, what a fucking mess. The first ten times I cleaned the toilets I donned a Tyvek suit with live air. Well I am an Obsessive-Compulsive, muscular version of a Martha Stewart wanna-be, soon to be responsible for dehydrated tomato plants Poet with Cancer.

Whatever…

Invisible tentacles
Push away the sky
Demonic hoards work gravity machines
And archaic machinery
Fueled by lust and burning souls
Faces replaced by black hearts
Not deigning to beat
Flying Iridescent insects wingless
Fall
Deeper Into the chasm

The insatiable void
Devours screams into silence
Just below the slow lurching rhythm
Of organic cogs pleading
For release…
Pleading to the supreme muscle
That will never cease.

The mechanisms of the hole
Have all become visible.
Each mask of flesh
And tissue has dissolved…
The pretense of all human issues
Has been resolved
With the clarity of a single glance
Inward–
Into the eye of raw primordial reality.

Eerie calm
Amidst the howling silence
Essence distilled
Granulated
Awaiting deployment
Shape Shifting shadows
With wands made of clouds
And abandoned bones
Prepare incantations
Ectoplasmic scripts float upward
Nucleotides seeking union amidst the pulsating mass
The Hole prepares for birth

All possible data
Has been collected
The embryo
Weathered by caustic evil
Intentionally unprotected
Emits a siren’s blaring cry
Of living…
Of living…
The initial sign
Of human life unforgiving.

I’m the Poet
With my head up my ass
Examining
My colon
My intestines
Reporting to the world
Something
Ain’t quite right in me ville

I need poetry that bleeds
That makes me uncomfortable
That has an edge
That cuts me
If I get too close

Poetry
That grabs me by the throat
And tells me
YOU GONNA DIE MOTHER FUCKER!

Dangerous poetry
Poetry that guts me
That is banned in schools
Poetry you can’t read
In polite company
Poetry that gets me arrested
Sent to prison
That will rape me with broom handles
Flay my skin
Till there there is nothing
But the words

Poetry that rages
Assaults me
Rips the pillow out of my hand
That drags me from under the bed
That tells me
YOU CAN’T HIDE MOTHER FUCKER

Poetry that speaks of love
Not in rhymed couplets
Nor wistful sighs
But shakes the fabric of time
Shatters the foundation of the Earth
Causes the Planets
To break free of their orbit
Stops the heart
With its pain and loss
Poetry that changes me forever
That allows me to finally live
If only for a second

I need poetry
That I can’t read
But only feel
Ink intermingled
With blood
With tears
With shit and piss
With sweat
That vibrates off the page
And becomes the North Star

I need Poetry that bleeds
I need Poetry
That
Fucking
Bleeds

The music played…
And all life danced and swayed
To its rhythm



And it was…



Beautiful…

Thinking

I could see something

New

Something no one has ever seen.

Before

Scraped

Bleeding

Swaying



Precarious death

Peers through arched eyebrow

Non committal

Death don’t give a fuck

We all on his to do list.



I climbed a tree

And saw

The deadly same

The piercing wail of conformity

The heart rending cry
of the incomplete heart



I will get up

Tomorrow

And

Know

I will climb the tree.



What else can I do?